IBA Diaries 1: Welcome To MBA – Mass Brain-cell Annihilation

DISCLAIMER The thoughts and opinions in this article belong to just one individual and do not represent the consensus of a larger group of people. Also, these diaries are purely meant for comic relief and entertainment, and do not in any way intend to defame the institution, people and events mentioned in them.

So Mummy said… “Baita… shaadi karo, ya phir MBA karo…”

And I conveniently picked the second and landed in IBA. But little did I know that instead of garlands, sister-in-laws and a 3 page nikahnaama that could potentially grant me eternal bliss, I had opted for with bundles of Harvard case studies, countless photocopies of lecture slides, and books as heavy as bricks for me to drown my nights and days in for the next two years!

Iss say achi to shaadi hi thi… kam se kam chain ki neend aur gol rootiyaan to miltin…

I had planned on starting this diary a lot earlier – during those ridiculous two months of remedial classes, but my routine was completely messed up and I just couldn’t get around to doing this. Wake up early in the morning despite having hardly slept, work, lectures of concepts that went over the top of my head, back home and sometimes Tariq Road in between, the gym and then homework till late in the night – wow, no time to poop in the middle! No more Pakistani dramas and tissue boxes to wipe my tears as the damsels suffer the wrath of mistrusting husbands, no more movies, latkas, jhatkas and popcorn; it’s just the damn readings and assignments now. Itna kaam to koi saas bhi nahi karwati apni phuar bahoo se!

And after being stuck in this rut for a couple of weeks, I’m finally here on my laptop venting out my frustration as I take a breather from some managerial finance and economics only to be reminded that I still have a seven page review on a random book waiting in queue. Oh wait… just got that email with four pieces of reading material accumulating to approximately 50 pages that I need to cram into my tiny brain for tomorrow morning’s class… FACKKK! #ThatMomentWhen you realize that you may have made the biggest mistake of your life.

So yes IBA… Aur IBA ki to baat hi kuch aur hai… Woh haseen shaamein, thandi thandi hawayein, lehraate huye patay, shokh aur chanchal titliyaan, nayi naveli chamakti hui imaaratein… AUR BOHT SAARI DHOOL AUR MATTI!

It’s a great campus, but I’ve seen better. But more than that, I’m beginning to realize that this place is more about the discipline than the academics. No slippers, no round necks, no V-necks… let’s see… that’s more than 70 percent of the clothes I own. Alright, need to get a new wardrobe… damnit… I’ve technically quit my job… double FACKKk!

Moving on, I always thought that BBA and MBA students did nothing but study stuff that is apparently bullshit and common sense. Clearly, I was wrong as I have realized that shit has indeed gotten real! Well maybe BBA is still for a bunch of no-brainers who failed to get into med or engineering school. But an MBA can pretty much brainfuck one with a jam-packed schedule and demanding pre-class reading; come prepared for interactive group discussions in each session – also translatable as reading, reading and more reading until all grey matter is depleted and no further benefit can be acquired from the human brain.

And it just keeps getting better!

For some strange reason, the people over here keep telling you “Hum kuch nahi parhhaynge aapko, aap jo bhi parhhenge, khud hi parhhenge!” And if you’re really lucky, some of them might just tell you to look up Google and Wikipedia to search for all that you need to know. Wait… I can do that at home as well…

It’s not that I’m complaining for the sake of being whiny, but some things about this place I just don’t get. Why would you want to have a two month summer orientation program to bring the BBA students at par with the non-BBA students only for the exact same things to be re-taught once regular school is in session? Why would you want to toss students between two separate campuses in the same day? Why do we have to sit according to a fixed seating plan? Why are there so many cafeterias selling the same stuff? Why can’t there be just one big fat cafeteria of an acceptable standard? And why do the toilets have really big windows especially the ones at the city campus? Full length? Really? Well that new building already looks like a giant toilet to begin with!

Anyway… now I’m here and that’s that. IBA main aayen hain… ab to parhna hi parhe ga!

I’m glad that I’m amongst a few fortunate ones who managed to get into this place that is currently driving me nuts, but in the long run will make me a better individual and entrepreneur and stand out like a shining diamond in a sea of MBAs from here and there. I’m also glad that I’m finding some friends who at least laugh at my poop, lame and sex jokes otherwise I would’ve died of boredom already – still have to test my misogynist, racist and sectarian ones btw. I’m also looking forward to meeting quite a lot of people and build on a stronger social network… so that I can sell more clothes to women!

I hope I find the time to carry on with this diary, and I also hope that I manage to preserve at least some bit of my brain as my writing and my random thoughts are my only saving grace to survive this annihilation of my sanity. So once again… welcome to IBA!

And yes my Mahraaj, you were right about how much I would begin to hate the place once the BBA students infested the campus like a plague of tiny,, skinny, black, fashion-deprived morons!


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