Hamari Adhuri Hijrat?

So one more Pakistani release and one more disappointment! From low grade lunda bazaar type costumes, to a story with the five letters of the word miles apart from one another, jaw-dropping (in a bad way) dialogues to actors without any talent, Rahat Fateh Ali Khan’s obnoxiously loud vocals to a moronic Asad Zaman (Murad) trying his best to make you feel his pain with his even more obnoxious vocals, and two pretty ladies who were better off keeping their mouths shut, Hijrat had it all – the complete recipe for making a disaster of a movie.

That’s not all this pile of shit packed in itself; the movie seemed to bear an unnecessary resemblance with a certain other Bollywood flick that had its fair share of disappointments as well. well, if you’re repeating someone else’s mistakes, than you deserve to be in the hall of fame for idiots. But more on the Bollywood touch later; the movie and its makers obviously have quite a lot of questions to answer before I get to that bit.

Where does the movie get its name from?

In the English language, the word Hijrat can be appropriately translated and understood as ‘migration.’ But what is completely and absolutely un-understandable is how the producers and director of this bizarre romance drama came up with this name; the movie had everything other than anything remotely tying it with the word hijrat. The only thing that was on an uncomfortable hijrat was by butt in the chair in sheer anticipation of the end of the torture I inflicted upon myself by watching this movie. Or maybe Farooq Mengal’s sanity went on a hijrat to the most abandoned of reaches within Pakistan’s sewerage system with the pathetic production, direction, and screenplay combined.

What’s up with Murad’s mother?

Ek to… her hideous wardrobe that makes her look more maad-ren than modern…  oopar se she keeps calling her ex-husband a selfish asshole, then she decides she wants to get back with him again… matlab ke iss aurat ko cancer tha ya yeh apna dimaghi santulann kho baithi thi?! Also, I thought forehand chamaats (slaps) were way out of fashion. And boy did she ut in a lot of effort into swinging that one on Murad’s face. And for some reason, she kept on saying the same goddamn line…

“Tum boht selfish ho,”

Aur aap shayed paindu pannay ki mareeza hain!

When did Murad and Gia fall in love?

That… my friends… is the next biggest mystery in the movie after the one involving the film and its title. While a lot is revealed about Murad and Mahi’s rather flirtatious relationship destined to fail, little is known about Murad and his actual true love – Gia. All we get to see about their past is him carrying her in his arms and taking a stroll somewhere down the streets of Istanbul because she was suffering from a broken heel. Yep, that’s when Murad fell ‘head over heels’ for Gia……….

Also… why Murali??

Seriousl??? Like Muttiah Muralitharan

Why was Gia constantly on her period?

Man… this woman had some serious issues…. even more than the people she was helping out in the refugee camp. Ok, so I get that she hates Murad, but why? Are there some details of their past that didn’t make it past the editing table, or weren’t ever written into the already incomplete script? Also, what was the point of showing her getting hitched to someone else, and that sleazy item song that ACTUALLY SHOULD HAVE been edited out of the movie? The torturous tantrums written into Gia’s character were made worse by Rabia Butt’s inability to be emotionally involved with presumed complexity of her character and display even the slightest bit of acting potential within her. No matter how pretty our Pakistani girls are, they still have a long long long way to go as far as their acting skills are concerned.

How come Gia and her other female colleague don’t get a sun tan?

Wait… let me ask Zubaida Apaa and get back to you on that one. It’s probably fucking dry over there somewhere in the middle over nowhere, and the two look like they just walked out of a beauty salon! Reality please??? No? Ok!

Why didn’t the psycho woman die in the end instead of Gia?

Alright… so both Gia and that psycho woman ran across the forbidden fence into the minefield. Not only that, they both ran on the same path. Yet the bomb decided to trigger only when Gia stepped on it – I guess it was on high bitch alert! Dear Farooq Mengal… WHAT ON EARTH WERE YOU SMOKING? PLEASE GIVE SOME TO ME TOO!

And just exactly how naïve is Mahi?

“Kya Gia Murad ko Mahi se bhi zyada pyaar karti hai?

Does that matter you dumb blonde? What’s important is that Murali loves Gia more than you! But what was actually epic was she asks Murad whether his genuinely not read for marriage, or was he just not ready to marry her and Murad retorts by saying “OF COURSE main tumse shaadi karne ke liye teyaar nahi hun!” Lol! Mahi… aap sharam se doob marein! 😀

Also… Rubab was even worse than Rabia in the movie.

And finally, the golden question…

Did anyone think Hijrat was trying to be Hamari Adhuri Kahani?

Throw in some good music, the real emotional quotient, better performances, and a slightly less incomplete script, and you have a Hamari Adhuri Kahani (HAK), no? Ok… in the beginning, Murad cries like a baby and reaches out to nowhere-ness just as Vidya Balan does after stepping off the bus near Basra in HAK. Gia has difficulty in letting go of her past to embrace her future just like Vidya Balan in HAK again; only difference, Vidya got both the emotions and the drama perfectly right. And Gia dies by triggering a mine by accidently stepping on it in the climax just like… urm… Emraan Hashmi in the climax of HAK… yes, a bit of a gender switch there. Also, I felt that some of the graphics used in the opening credits of Hijrat were also quite similar to HAK’s overall publicity design. Which brings me to my next point; banday ko agar copy bhi karni hai, to zara dhang se kare!

Hijraj 1

By the way, the movie ended as abruptly as a couple interrupted while having sex when someone walks in the room except that this movie was not even a zillionth of a fraction close to anything entertaining let alone exciting!

To wrap it up, Hijrat was more of a fill-in-the-blank exercise forced down your throat instead of a movie you were supposed to watch. Weak screenplay and terrible performances by the lead cast make sitting through the entire duration unbearable.

1/5 stars

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s